First Post *gulp*

I feel this should be something poignant as it’s the first post…

But to be honest – I can’t think of anything overly exciting to say!!

I’ve been on a bit of a downer lately…  A very dark cloud has descended and I hate to say it – but I think I have hit my very first period of depression…..

No motivation to do anything – weight has increased as the thought of running or exercise has been too scary…..  and numerous other things have just reached a point that I have decended into a dark hole….

This has worried me to be honest as I know my Mom suffered from depression at the same type of age…

I’ve shut myself off from the world for the past few weeks to try to sort myself out…

Thankfully I have a wonderful partner that has helped drag me out of myself at weekends, and the only other thing that as allowed me to shut off is my knitting…..  not sure where I would be without that at the mo….

I have started to face up to the issues, have started “healthy eating” in the hope that “happy foods” will bring a smile, and made myself go to the gym…  this endorphin kick has certainly helped….  but it is still very hard to get there…

The thought of interacting with people worries me at the mo…  so purely gym and no classes……  I’ve even discommunicated my running pals as the mood I’m in will risk me alienating them completely….  actually spoke to them yesterday for the first time for a couple of weeks…. amazing how people you’ve only known for a few months can have such a profound effect on you – they are truely lovely people….

The other big thing is to sort out the job situation – so I’ve started the “actively seeking” new opportunities…..

I know my job is the root cause to my current problems – I hate everything about it – can’t stand getting up  in a morning… or more to the point hate going to bed as I know I need to get up in the morning…

I can’t continue with this…  last week I very nearly handed my notice in – even though I have nothing to go to, the thoughts that I have 3 months to find something else was a good option…  but scared that I still need to pay the mortgage staopped me…

Can’t beleive that yet again I missed out on redundancies – that would have helped considerabley!!  Instead I’m supposed to be grateful I still have a job…  but HERE!!!  hey ho….

Well that’s a depressing first post – so hopefully things can only look upwards…….

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